- The First Day: Ted returns to school after a long, unremembered summer vacation, and finds himself faced with a stalker, a Penthouse Pet, and summer squash. Introduction to Ted Virgo, Mark 9000, Carla Chaney, Noops, Krof, Amanda Gill, Ms. Coalscuttle, and Miss Latanya Jordan.
- In a Family Way: Ted recieves in invitation from a classmate... but does that classmate have alterior motives? Introduction to Mr. Nathaniel Frost, Mr. Herbert Smythe, Al Michaels, John Parson, and Jamie Parson.
- Imprisoned Sanity: Amanda returns home after a long day.
- Loose Women: Ted is invited to a party by Al Michaels, and encounters a very interesting college student. Introduction to heather Robins.
- Monkey on Her Back: Carla develops an unhealthy addiction, and Ted has to deal with a girl who won't stop using his computer to look for porn. Introduction to Mrs. Sarah Leybourne.
- Guest Strip Week 1: Ted gets a blind date. Hijinx ensue. NOT AN OFFICIAL STORYLINE. This didn't actually happen.
- On General Principle: Principal Beckenwood gives Miss Jordan an offer she can't refuse... or can she? Introduction to Principal Beckenwood.
- Child Genius: Ted wonders about the mysterious creator of his AI while babysitting for John Parson. Introduction to Uyulala, PAI-1, Efink, and the new Mark 9000.
- Dear Diary: Four characters open their diaries to the readers.
- Logarythmic Homeboy: Mr. Frost's new teaching style is incredible... but is he meddling in forces he does not understand?
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